Battles with Integrity

One of my oldest¹ and dearest² friends here in the Bay Area³ has been holding a Groundhog Day celebration every year since the fateful Groundhog Day Y2K⁴. Each year he writes a new and different⁵ invitation and sends it to his friends. I like them. I think they are often⁶ funny. I figured I should put them down for posterity. Behid the cut, are the invitation letters he's sent out in the past⁷.

( Read more, if you think there is a point, though you might be disappointed... )

¹ But he's not old, he's not even thirty-seven.
² Still, I've known him longer than almost anyone else around here.
³ That is, people I've met since I moved down to East Bay from points north.
⁴ That was the year we had to run the TV and DVD player on a bicycle-powered generator, and celebrate by candlelight because the power plants had all succumbed to the Y2K bug. You remember, don't you?
⁵ There is no footnote number 5.
⁶ Dictionary.com defines often as 'many times; frequently.' That's close enough.
⁷ Seven footnotes in honor of GHDVII.

So that's that. Please feel free to post your recollections of Groundhog Days past, predictions for Groundhog Days future, questions or even non-sequiturs (just so long as they're sufficiently meta). Let the Groundhogging commence!