I really wanted to see The Da Vinci Code as written by Charlie Kaufman, but I'm sure he'd have done a great job as director, too. And if I may be both outre (because I'm the only person I know who didn't love it) and inappropriate (because anything involving John Waters is inapproriate), Bokeback Mountain would have been much better if John Waters had gotten his filthy hands on it.

Hm, what else? Citizen Kane as directed by Stanley Kubrick, maybe? Although it's already pretty freaking weird.